So… can we talk about getting more of what you want?
Self-Discovery
What you actually want, and how to move toward it, even if you’ve got a whole suitcase of old stories tagging along.
If you’ve ever looked around at your life and wondered who picked all this, welcome. This is where we get honest about what you actually want, then make an experiment out of moving towards those things because if you’re not designing your life, someone else is.
What is self-discovery?
Self-discovery is getting to know yourself, figuring out what you really want when nobody’s handing you the script, then designing your life around it.
What it is: Not sure what you want? Or sure, and scared to say it out loud? It’s the shoulds you’ve outgrown, the wants you haven’t said yet and the default settings nobody chose on purpose. Fewer shoulds, more truth, and plenty of room to change your mind.
What it isn’t: It isn’t finding yourself like lost luggage, waiting for your purpose to reveal itself or getting the plan right the first time. It’s also not endless discovering without action.
How I approach it: Awareness, alignment, action. Notice what you actually want (a ridiculous wants list helps), ask whether it’s a truth or should, then make it an experiment instead of a 10 year-plan that can’t be changed. Your feelings and old stories will come along for the ride, and that’s where Inner Work comes in.
Start here
A curated collection to start with
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Note
On Saying No
Saying no is sometimes difficult because we think that saying no now is saying no forever. So even though it may not feel good…
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Note
On Choice
With change, comes choice. Change is inevitable, but along with change comes the opportunity for choice. When change comes knocking, make a choice. Choose…
inbox insights
Emails to help you get more honest about your juiciest desires.
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Everything on self-discovery
24 pieces, all on this page.
Choice, agency and decisions
Lost, stuck and what now
Breaking from the script
Purpose, meaning and fulfillment
Starting over
Time, mortality and the bigger picture
Desire, dreams and wanting
Phrases to Steal
Ideas you’ll hear me use, and where I say them best.
My favorite question for discovering what you actually want from what you were told to want.
Big changes feel lighter as a test than a verdict
Write down everything you want, especially the ones that feel like too much. That’s where the clues are. 🔍
Design your life, or someone else will
Default settings are still a design. Just not yours.
There's a whole world you've
never seen because you've never
dared to dream
beyond the borders
Questions people ask
What should I do with my life?
First things first, I’d recommend dropping “should” from your vocabulary. Then, start smaller than your whole life. Ask what you don’t want anymore, then what you want instead. It’s a shortcut to getting more honest with yourself. You don’t have to have the whole map, just a direction to move towards.
How do I find myself again?
Good news! You didn’t disappear. It’s likely you got buried under everyone else’s needs and a pile of shoulds. Start by noticing what still lights you up and what you’ve quietly stopped doing. Finding yourself again is less searching, more remembering or selecting.
FULL ESSAY Coming SOON
So what’s the point of life?
There’s a whole universe in this question that I can’t possibly know for sure, but since you’re here and asking—I believe the point of life is to live.
FULL ESSAY Coming SOON
Nothing is working. Now what?
It sounds like you’ve arrived at acknowledgment, which is great. Now it’s time to see possibility and make some choices. “Nothing” is rarely the whole story, even when it feels like it. Look at what you keep repeating, then change one small thing (your routine, the question you keep asking yourself, or even the road you take to work). It won’t fix everything, but it gets you moving again. More at the link below.
How do I change my life?
Not all at once, and not by burning it all down. Pick one thing to start, stop or change, and treat it as an experiment instead of the final decision for forever. Reinventing yourself is mostly small, courageous pivots that add up. Ladyballs. 🍒
How do I get unstuck/out of a rut?
Experience has taught me we’re rarely as stuck as we feel; usually our energy is leaking somewhere, like the week-old three-minute task or the 50 open tabs. Close one loop, then do one thing your routine didn’t see coming. Moving makes the next step easier to see.
How do I find my purpose?
Stop trying to find it! Purpose isn’t hiding under a rock waiting for you—it shows up in what you keep choosing, loving, and making. Start following what you’re curious about. The crumbs usually lead to the cake.
FULL ESSAY Coming SOON
Change is…fun. How do I embrace it?
Fun-ish, anyway. Change is inevitable; transformation is a choice. Name what you’re scared to lose, then what you might gain, and let yourself be a beginner for a while.
Ask Alyssa
Have a question about figuring out what you want and moving toward it? Ask it here.
Dear you,
Sent! Thanks for the inspiration. I’ll take a look and you might see my answer in an email, post, or on the show.
xx, Alyssa
Next door
Want to go even deeper? Perspective consults are 90-minute conversations for when you want to see past your blindspots and get even more honest with yourself.
Your turn
Insights, inspiration, and instigation for self-discovery.
