Pre-P.S. You’re reading day 21 of my 32 days of insights, inspiration, and instigation. (Very informal title). Get the full scoop here. ✨
“I don’t know which way to tell the story.”
“Do I reveal what I was thinking, or do we keep them in the dark with suspense?”
These are the types of questions littering my mind like scooters litter city streets as I’ve been drafting the script for my wedding ceremony this week (the countdown has reached single digits now 🎉).
Like photography, the lens you pick changes the focus of the scene.
And there’s always more than one lens to choose from.
For example, the main character in my book could experience a tense scene with her wildly handsome but seriously addicted to work husband in any number of ways:
“And then he walked out of the room, leaving me on the couch thinking he’d decided the conversation was over.”
—
“And then he walked out of the room, his steps already diffusing the tension.”
—
“And then he walked out of the room. My heart started to race as I felt the familiar pangs of abandonment, wondering when he’d come back. Previous me would have followed him to the room. But this version of me, the one who’s aware of her nervous system, remembered to breathe. In… 2, 3, 4; Out… 2, 3, 4.”
How we perceive a situation kickstarts a chain of reactions and responses that can end in wildly different outcomes depending on the initial lens we took.
That’s why I love to ask, “What else can this mean?” when I start to notice myself feeling defensive.
Our minds lie to us all the time.
They love to come up with one meaning for a situation and run away with the storyline until we’re convinced that what happened had to mean that one thing.
There’s rarely only one way to tell a story, though. By asking, “What else can this mean?” we allow ourselves to explore other explanations for behavior, thus allowing for more compassion, understanding, and connection.
Our gut instinct is to take most things personally, but other people’s behavior often has nothing to do with us and everything to do with them.
The first story or explanation your mind comes up with doesn’t mean it’s the truth. What else might it mean?
xx, Alyssa
