I remember waking up in the middle of the night as a kid feeling like my legs wanted to run a marathon. This usually happened when I was going through a growth spurt.

During these periodic growing pains, I felt deeply uncomfortable. One part of me desperately wanted to go back to sleep, while another wanted to get up and move around.

Growth of any sort usually leaves us feeling restless in some way or another.

Probably because most of the messaging we see on a daily basis is about escaping or numbing discomfort rather than learning to live alongside it. So when we know things are changing, but we can’t see the whole picture yet or are uncertain of how things will turn out, we tend to get restless.

In many ways, this has been my life over the past year. I’ve had to learn to sit in the discomfort of emotional, relational, and spiritual growth (not so much physical anymore, I’m pretty sure I’ll stay 5’8″ for the rest of my life unless I start shrinking like my grandma eventually).

As a result, patience and I have become the best of friends. (Even if I wasn’t the one to intiate this friendship).

The most recent growing pains have been about letting go. More specifically, deciding what to leave behind.

It’s like when you’re growing up, and suddenly your favorite shirt no longer fits how it used to.

At some point, you have to let it go.

Otherwise, you’ll walk around with the sleeves bunching under your armpits, constantly feeling like you’re being pinched.

We expand beyond our containers at times.

And until we start to see the new container taking shape, we can feel uncomfortable.

It’s like when a hermit crab gets too big for its shell. It has to leave the old one to find a new, more expansive shell. But there’s a part in between where it’s shellless, vulnerable, and exposed.

It’s the same for us.

And in those moments, we either look to the past, longing for the safety of our old shell, or persevere as we search for the new.

So much of life is about letting go of things that may be good but aren’t serving us anymore.

I’ve had to let go of many things throughout my life…

Comfortable contracts.

Gluten (this was painful at first, but easy now).

Relationships.

Old stories I played on repeat that really weren’t helping me get where I wanted to go.

But in letting go, I have gained so much more.

That doesn’t mean letting go was easy.

And it certainly doesn’t mean I know how to do it effortlessly.

But I’m adamantly convinced of the benefits of letting go, so when presented with a new opportunity to do so, my goal is to do it just a little bit faster each time.

When we can let go of an intense emotion when we’re in the middle of a tough conversation at home or work, we can see the underlying unmet needs much faster.

When we can let go of an old story we’ve been telling ourselves, we make room to write a new one.

When we choose to let go, we become lighter.

We stop clinging, thereby allowing ourselves to unwind in new ways. This leads to expansion of some form or another and expansion feels oh so good.

So does shedding the weight of emotional baggage we carry through conversations.

Growth is beautiful because it means we’re consciously choosing life over decay.

Like plants, we either grow or we wither.

Unlike plants, we have more choice in the matter. And unfortunately, we have this thing known as our mind that loves to get in our way and makes us forget just how much choice we have.

Are you willing to sit with the discomfort?

What have you been growing through recently?

xx,

Alyssa

P.S. “Choose life” was one of 45 lessons Regina Brett shared in her most popular article, “45 Lessons Life Taught Me.” She recently republished it in light of her 90th birthday.

Geoff and I went through each of the lessons and discussed them in a recent 2-part episode of the Make it Mentionable show. Geoff’s favorite comes up in Part 1, whereas Part 2 holds my favorite.

Which lesson of Regina’s stood out to you the most? What came up for you? Geoff and I would both love to know in the comments. (It’ll give us something to talk about over another round of espresso martinis 😉).

Gift buying can be stressful–especially when you’re worried about disappointing someone you love.

Geoff and my brother both have massive gift anxiety. To them, it feels like a pressure cooker of potential disappointment.

Geoff’s ideal present is to gift an experience. My brother’s ideal present situation is to avoid gift-giving entirely.

I enjoy giving gifts, but only if I know the person well enough to know I’m picking a gift that will mean something to them. But I don’t like giving gifts whose sole purpose is to sit on shelves. I much prefer to give gifts that can be used or experienced.

A new pair of ski socks for the ski lover, concert tickets for a show you know they love, a new bracelet for the friend always sporting new accessories.

In this season of materialism holiday cheer, giving a gift on auto-pilot can be so easy. I’ve definitely snagged a last-minute gift at Whole Foods on my way to a party before.

Yet, at the same time, giving a gift, no matter what it is, shows you value the relationship enough to think of giving a gift in the first place.

It’s all very nuanced, like most things in life.

Love is something we all need, though.

To be witnessed. To be appreciated, seen, and valued.

It’s the love we want when getting a gift—that’s why it’s one of the five love languages.

That’s why gifts we’d never think of buying for ourselves or are too scared or practical to buy for ourselves are usually the most fulfilling.

And if not that, a handwritten card in a season of mass-produced Christmas cards goes a long way—because it makes people feel seen.

So as I sit here writing out the list of people I still want to show love to this holiday season, I thought I’d share how I’m avoiding gift anxiety. I use the following questions to help me think about how I want to show people they’re important to me this season. Some of them will end up with a gift, some will end up getting love from me in a different way.

Here are the questions I run through to help me avoid gift anxiety:

• Who do I want to recognize this holiday season?
• How do I want to make them feel?
• What’s the best vehicle for making them feel this way?
• Do I think gifts are their primary love language? (If so, I try go out of my way to get them a gift).

​
I’m of the opinion that buying everyone in your life a Christmas gift can be a waste of money. Because the reality is most people don’t need more things. (People really don’t need more “Live, Laugh, Love” signs). And in many cases, a handwritten card is an excellent way to communicate that you’re thinking of them and wishing them well this holiday season.

So if you’re feeling the pressure to buy everyone under the sun a gift this year, maybe release some of that pressure and consider a handwritten card instead.

The quality of our lives comes down to the quality of our relationships. And the quality of our communication largely determines the quality of our relationships.

What do you want to communicate with those in your life this holiday season? And, is a gift the best way to do that? Or would a card or grabbing a coffee with them communicate just as much, if not more?

What’s your gift-giving philosophy? Do you buy for everyone? Does your family do a white elephant exchange? Do you do something completely different? I’d love to know.

xx,

Alyssa

We’re weird creatures.

Our identities are made up of a messy amalgamation of stories.

Stories that are told to us from the time we’re born.

Stories that are passed down from other people who have carried the weight of stories told to them.

Stories that, while once told with good intention, have become mired in shame and rules out of an inherent longing for security.

I find it’s best to unlearn these stories.

Because when we do that, our lives become our own.

Instead of a messy amalgamation of other people’s stories, insecurities, fears, and desires, our identity becomes constructed from our desires.

We become connected to ourselves in entirely new ways when that happens. And from that place, it’s often we become better partners, friends, collaborators.

We live in a society that teaches us to abnegate the throne of our authority and hand it over to anyone claiming to be an expert.

This is deeply misguided.

It prevents us from speaking our truth, from owning our own experiences, from thinking our own stories are worth sharing.

Nothing could be further from the truth.

Reclaiming our birthright to express emotions, have needs, and dream up desires is often the first step in transforming our relationships.

If we don’t have a relationship with ourselves, we risk becoming robots—walking around with mechanical movement, relying solely on analysis, and denying the most basic human elements of ourselves.

Have you ever suppressed what you’re feeling to please someone else?

Being in relationship means attempting to translate our inner world to the outer world (aka someone else) as they try to do the same.

That is a messy process.

It requires courage, commitment, a boatload of curiosity and compassion, and a general willingness to screw it up in the name of peeling back yet another layer.

It also requires getting to know yourself even better through interactions with others so that we may truly live instead of withering away in disconnection from ourselves.

This is what I’m obsessed with moment by moment and what I help my clients do.

Xx,

Alyssa

——

P.S. Money is something we get told so many stories about, which is why my friend Britni and I break down how to talk about money and debt without shame and embarrassment in this episode of the Make it Mentionable show.

If we’re friends on Instagram, you might have seen that I’ve walked in two fashion shows recently.

(If we’re not, why aren’t we? Say hi! And to catch you up, I’ve walked on two runways recently).

Which on Instagram might look glamorous, but there’s a back story here that makes it much more comical than it’s likely to appear on the surface.

You see, I’ve been told I could be a model much of my life.

Which when you’re a kid who desperately wants to be recognized but has no idea how to make it happen, being told that particular phrase can feel infuriating.

(I have so many other problems with people telling me that and how it felt to me, but explaining all those here would detract from this email—sort of like this sentence already has).

Then when you finally go to an audition as a ten-year-old and think, “Oh my gosh, maybe I’ll finally get my chance,” only to have your parents think the required classes might be a scam, you might give up all hope and feel even more frustrated when someone tells you you can be a model.

So fast forward twenty years later, when your incredibly supportive and completely biased boyfriend tells you to go to the casting call for Denver Fashion Week, you might have a bunch of unresolved emotional shit come up.

And that unresolved emotional shit might start adding some turmoil to your relationships.

Especially when your boyfriend auditions with you and gets called by a talent scout that was at the auditions and you don’t.

And then you cry and have a breakdown and say things that feel unsupportive of him even though you’re also super excited for him. You’re confused by the dual emotions, and so is he.

And then you both go to callbacks, and you’re convinced he’s going to get chosen, and you won’t.

But somehow, you hear a voice that releases the pressure, and you embrace surrender by saying, “If I can be of service to someone’s creative vision, please use me,” and let go of any attachment to selection and your sense of worth.

And in true tragic comedy fashion that the Universe loves to dabble in, that’s the exact moment when someone asks you if you’ll walk for them.

But then you get chosen, and your boyfriend doesn’t, and he doesn’t have all the past baggage, so he’s much more gracious about this than you imagine you would have been had the opposite happened. So you also judge yourself for that.

And then, after the show, you get called by the agency and realize all of this was clearly the Universe getting you to heal something. You laugh but also sort of want to give the Universe the middle finger (even though that’s probably not recommended since it has your best interest at heart). After all, it did afford you the opportunity when you were willing to commit to healing the wound.

So this is the more complete back story of how I ended up walking in two fashion shows this month.

I have an incredibly supportive partner and relationship where we commit to healing and vulnerability, allowing ourselves to pursue paths while encouraging each other.

It was a messy process of emotion that culminated in a moment that can tend to look glamorous according to society’s standards.

In reality, it was a lesson in patience and presence and self-worth and not giving up as much as it was about taking up space and looking fierce on the runway despite my stomach feeling like it was going to drop out my butt.

So here’s to making it mentionable and sharing the behind-the-scenes moments.

Because while I posted backstage pictures, the true behind-the-scenes moments involved much more emotion. I find that it’s those emotions so many of us avoid sharing because constructing a picture-perfect image can feel safer at times.

But experiencing our emotions is a birthright.

We get to have them.

In fact, allowing ourselves to feel them usually helps us release the power they hold over us much quicker than pretending they don’t exist.

When we get honest with ourselves and let ourselves see what’s really happening in our emotional worlds, it becomes much easier to be honest with others and also embrace their inner worlds with compassion.

And that is the greatest gift we can give anyone.

Speaking of Make it Mentionable, have you caught the latest episode yet?

Geoff joins me to talk about navigating conflict in relationships. If you’re curious about how we navigate conflict and tools you can use too, or if you just want to hear what we fight about most, it’s the episode for you.

With so much love,

Alyssa

P.S. I’m not planning on becoming a model full-time. I love helping people create amazing relationships and communicate effectively, but I do love walking the runway for fun when opportunities arise. Not all creativity has to be a revenue stream. If you want to see pics, head over to Insta and check my highlights.

A man lived on the bench near my building. I’d see him every day in the afternoons. He dressed in a black coat and pants and always had a large duffle in tow.

I’d routinely see him wiping down his duffle or protecting it from the rain and snow with an oversized trash bag. I always noticed the care he took of his belongings and how organized he seemed.

He was never there in the morning. I have no idea where he’d go from the wee hours of the morning until 2pm, but it wasn’t the bench near my building.

I hoped it was somewhere he could get a meal or shower.

It wasn’t that I never talked to this man; I did.

After seeing him for a week straight sometime last year, Geoff and I went up and introduced ourselves. We learned his name was Kenneth and discovered he was a vegetarian.

This struck me as odd. It seemed that someone living on the bench might not care what he consumed, but I always loved that he was willing to express a preference.

We’re all entitled to our preferences.

Geoff and I would occasionally bring him a sandwich or a Vegetarian snack on our way out.

He never seemed to be drunk or escaping life on the bench with a high. Instead, he sat there, still and seemingly content, able to tolerate the inevitable boredom.

I often wondered what he thought about as he sat there but admittedly never worked up enough interest to ask him directly.

The one time he did seem to be high completely shocked me. He stopped Geoff and me and started talking about Nazis, space, and a parallel universe.

If I hadn’t known him before that moment, it might have terrified me. Instead, we chatted with him for a second before walking away and leaving him to the world he was constructing in his mind.

Recently, I noticed Kenneth wasn’t on his bench.

And earlier this week, we got a notice that he had passed away.

I don’t know if anyone will remember or miss Kenneth, which bothered me.

So now you’re reading this email because it’s the only way I know how to remember a man that I didn’t know who lived on the bench near my building.

I won’t pretend to know his stories or remotely anything about his life.

However, I did learn things from Kenneth without him ever knowing he was teaching me.

1). A smile from Kenneth always impacted my day.

The recognition of our humanity and seeing another human smile can be contagious. We can impact someone just being who we are, and that’s a powerful thing to remember.

2). We need far less than we think we do.

Kenneth’s content, calm, and contemplative demeanor always intrigued me. I secretly think he was a Buddhist monk in a past life. Regardless, he always felt like an old soul holding wisdom from his bench where he was mostly ignored.

There’s distinct magic in connecting with other humans, even if we don’t know them. There’s something special about the connection of a micro-moment with another human passing by.

We so often prioritize the major relationships in our lives, but tiny moments influence our mood, too. If only we look up from our phones long enough to notice.

And sometimes, when you look up from your phone long enough, the micro-moment that happens leads to a more significant relationship. (This is exactly how I met Geoff, but that’s a story for a different day).

xx,

Alyssa

P.S. Some people in the building have asked the city permission to add a plaque to the bench with the words, “Kenneth’s bench” which makes me happy because that’s how I’ll continue to think of it.

​

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A NEW EPISODE IS HERE…

There’s a new episode of Make it Mentionable out! Ron Cecil joins me for a conversation about creating intentional relationships—the kind that add more vibrancy to our lives.

We ask and answer:

• If a marriage doesn’t work, is it a failure?
• When is vulnerability helpful? Is the patriarchy hurting men, too?
• What are our partners actually responsible for in a relationship?

And because surface-level convos are not my jam, we also cover:

• How the patterns of our parents have a way of trying to creep into our own relationships and how to catch them
• What it means to craft an intentional relationship/marriage
• What happens when our wounds trigger our partner This is a conversation about the often vulnerable process of waking up to ourselves, and what it means to embrace that vulnerability in a relationship with another human trying to do the same thing in their own way.

Ron also shares what happened when he asked his wife’s dad if he could marry her (it’s not what you might think). And we both share the moments we recognized that our parents are humans, too.

​Catch the episode here.

Pre-P.S. I wrote you a short story. If you’ve been here awhile, you might recognize Avery Jane. 😉 If any part of this short story resonates with you, I invite you to join me inside The Convey Collective.

Mel

Mel slumped into the chair beside her, exhausted from the discussion, feeling weary about what to say next. As the tears streamed down her face, she looked up at John, “I don’t know why you don’t understand what I’m saying!”

John stayed quiet as he always did. Showing emotion wasn’t his forte.

They’d go to bed and wake up the following day and pretend like it never happened.

Only it did. And there was a growing voice of uncertainty inside Mel that was getting harder and harder to ignore.

When they woke up, it was just as Mel had predicted, no mention of her tears from the night before.

They had coffee, kissed, and made plans for the weekend. John went to the office, and Mel worked for a few hours before getting ready to meet Avery Jane for lunch.

Avery Jane

Avery Jane hurried over to her computer. “SENNNDDDD,” she shouted at the email taking its sweet time leaving her outbox.

The project she’d been working on for her biggest client was due today, which would have been fine, except her people-pleasing self had taken over in the 12th hour. As a result, she’d promised a slew of changes that weren’t all that feasible to achieve in the same time frame. She’d done it but not without the help of numerous cups of coffee last night.

“I’m so dumb. Boundariesss. I can’t believe I did this myself. I should have requested that the deadline be moved out to meet these new changes,” her inner-critic committee roared.

And now she was going to be late to meet Mel for their weekly lunch.

Mel and Avery Jane

“Hey! It’s so good to see you. It’s been a week, let me tell you.” Mel said as she waited for Avery Jane to lock up her bike.

“Ahh, I totally feel you there. I have a project that’s driving me nuts.”

They went inside and asked the hostess for their usual high-top table in the corner. This was the best lunch spot in town, which meant it got not only busy but loud at this time. Their corner table was just quiet enough they could hear each other talk.

“So let me guess,” Avery Jane said with a smirk (a compassionate smirk, but a smirk nonetheless).

“You ended up in another ‘disagreement’ with no resolution, right? Was there name-calling this time?”

“Have we become that predictable? I mean, yes, that’s what happened. And yes, there was some name-calling, nothing terrible though. Mostly there was lots of silence or the sound of me wiping snot from my nose.”

“Do you ever talk about how you actually feel? Like, do you feel comfortable saying, ‘John, I feel like we’re disconnecting and the way we disagree leaves me feeling frustrated and alone. I need to share how I feel and want to listen to how you feel. I don’t know exactly how that looks, but I have a few guesses?’”

“Hah! Are you kidding me? You’ve met John. Feelings are like speaking a foreign language.”

“I know, I know. But seriously, Mel, these are the things that pile up and lead to serious resentment later on. John is a great guy, yet you end up feeling like you’re walking on eggshells around him. I think you end up hiding what you’re feeling from him. Something has to change.”

“I know. I feel stuck.” Mumbled Mel, battling the embarrassment she felt every time she told Avery Jane about a fight with John. She loved John and didn’t want Avery Jane to dislike him.

Like a hamster spinning on its wheel, her thoughts kept going. “It’s not that bad. Most of the time, we’re great. Why do I have such a hard time sharing what I want with him?”

She snapped back to reality when she heard Avery Jane start talking.

“Ya know, I found this communication coach to help me manage this situation with my client. I need to be able to set better boundaries with them, the scope creep combined with my desire to people please is crazy, and I feel like I’m about to lose my mind every other day.

So anyway, she’s runs this group called The Convey Collective, and I’m thinking about joining. It’s all about better boundaries, better communication, and being able to convey our authentic selves to the world without shrinking or freezing. I think it would be good for you to consider, too.”

Mel, the woman with the most expressive face in the world, made one of her infamous faces.

“Mel! I saw that look! And as your best friend of 10 years, I am calling you on it right now. Nothing changes if nothing changes, and I love you more than I love peanut butter cups, but it’s so hard to keep seeing you going through the same patterns.”

“Okay, okay. I hear you. What is the collective?”

“So, from what I gather, we can show up to four different calls a month, and we learn and practice powerful communication skills like how to decipher emotions, the art of asking, how to be a compassionate listener, expressing needs and emotions, badass boundaries, and other things like that.

Plus, the woman who runs it, Alyssa, has a Masters in Communication, is a Master Life Coach and NLP Trainer, so we also get to bring our questions and get coached. It sounds very interactive.

Based on her testimonials, it sounds like she really helps people see the unconscious stories and behavior running under the surface that end up controlling our interactions without us realizing it consciously.

Which means I’ll turn into an even better lunchtime listener, we can both finally have the conversations we’ve been avoiding, and we’ll expand our influence.”

“How’d you find her again?” Asked Mel, a much softer look on her face now.

“Instagram. I saw some of her content and reels, and she gives super digestible pieces, like, I didn’t feel totally overwhelmed at the thought of having to change some old patterns.”

Mel couldn’t help but notice the excitement in Avery Jane’s voice.

“You know the story I tell myself about not feeling good enough all the time? It seems like she can really help me rewrite and rewire that, so I stop self-sabotaging and finally raise my voice more at work.”

Mel knew Avery Jane needed to use her voice more at work. She’s brilliant but hides behind her designs, so people don’t fully understand the extent of her brilliance.

“Alyssa seems to be big on a holistic approach to break up the patterns we carry across different areas of our lives. You can take a look at all the details for yourself here, but please join with me. It’ll be fun!”

“This sounds super helpful! I’ll take a look. How much is it? Do I have to commit long-term?”

“There’s a month-to-month plan if you want to get a feel for it and have flexibility.”

“Okay, I’ll text you tonight after I take a look, but it sounds right up our alley. Good find, AJ.”

Avery Jane

Avery Jane checked her phone for the 400th time that evening. This time, there was finally a message from Mel, “I’m in! Let’s do it!”

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Thanks for letting me into your day. If any part of this short story spoke to you, I invite you to join me inside The Convey Collective, I designed it just for you.

With so much love,

Alyssa

Control is an illusion, but it’s an illusion we humans love to chase at all costs.

The reality is that we have very little control in life.

Most times in a conversation like this people say we can control our thoughts and our actions. And since this is where I get to be nuanced, here I go.

I’d argue that we don’t really even have control over our thoughts (we can design more useful ones, but we can’t control all of our thoughts). Having OCD has convinced me of this—those intrusive thoughts aren’t welcome and as much as I try, I can’t control when they appear.

But even if someone doesn’t have OCD, it’s virtually impossible to control all of our thoughts. Think about the thoughts that came up the last time your pesky inner voice decided to get super judgy about something you were doing—attempting to control that voice rarely silences it.

Not to mention, many of our thoughts come from past conditioning and experiences that we had little control over in the first place.

But this isn’t a post of despair. There’s hope!

Here’s a hot reframe for you…

Instead of seeking control, seek to take charge. 🖼

When we take charge we aren’t trying to control everything that has already happened or will happen.

Instead, we’re taking charge, taking responsibility, for whatever comes up, evaluating it in the moment, discerning what emotions/triggers are in the mix, and choosing how to respond accordingly.

Control is a futile effort. Taking charge opens much more possibility.

Xx
A

P.S. add your own nuanced thoughts about this in the comments. How does taking charge vs taking control sound to you?

“Where are you?” ⁠
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“I’m in the car.”⁠
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“Be right there.” ⁠
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When I lived near my dear friend Kerason this was a weekly conversation. ⁠
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So the thing I miss most about city living isn’t being able to drive myself places (I have amazing friends who are willing to pick me up), it’s the magic that used to happen when I had convos in the car (in-person or on the phone). It was a magical container for vulnerability.⁠
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I also can get an inordinate amount of work done sitting in a car in a parking lot. ⁠
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Last year, I borrowed a car so I could go buy skis. The pro shop said it would take two hours for them to be ready after I picked them out—not quite long enough to go home. So I got out my computer and whipped out an info page for something I was selling in that time. Forever grateful for my hotspot. ⁠
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There’s something about the confined space that is the perfect constraint for me. ⁠
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This why my clients know I sometimes show up from my closet. ⁠
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I don’t love rules, but I do love constraints. They help contain creativity. ⁠
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Our environments play a key role in our ability to thrive. ⁠
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So often we go to designing our thoughts, but sometimes the simplest step is to design our environment—even if it’s a small space in the house. ⁠
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My office is usually a direct projection of my mind. If my mind is cluttered, my desk looks cluttered. Cleaning it up helps me clear my mind. ⁠
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So many people talk about making big changes, but I find the smallest ones matter most. They’re also the most manageable. ⁠
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I’m endlessly fascinated by the question, “what makes it easier to choose transformation?”⁠
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I’ve learned space is a key part in that. ⁠
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Is there a space you can make more intentional for you this week? A few clothes you can pick up? Small shifts make change much easier. ⁠
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If you want more perspectives like this, I send them out in The Peel (my semi-weekly, getting more consistent) newsletter about being able to navigate whatever life dishes. Sign up here.⁠
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P.S. what’s your relationship with cars? Are they portals to deep convos and inner knowing? Just a means to commute? The bane of your existence?

White picket fences make me want to barf…

But I’ll circle back to that in a second. 

One of the things that drives me absolutely crazy about social media is this seeming collective vision of what success looks like. (Hopping on planes to Bali, finding yourself in the span of a 10-day trip, and then all of a sudden making millions, sporting a “positive vibes only” notebook). 🤢🤮 

Because hard-earned, story-filled wisdom has taught me that chasing someone else’s version of success is the surest path to burnout and will assuredly lead to us never feeling our own success in the depths of our souls. (Dramatic? Yes. But it doesn’t make it any less true). 

You’re allowed to want what you want. No matter what picture someone else is sharing.

There are two obstacles though: 

1. Often, we don’t actually allow ourselves to know what we want or desire. Some of us (🙋‍♀️) learned to cope with traumatic things that happened to us as kids by suppressing our needs. 

2. When all we know how to do is suppress our own needs there is really nothing worse than someone boldly expressing theirs. 

Because the only thing more terrible than not letting yourself express desire is when someone else has the balls 🍒 to do what you wanted to do but are too afraid to do. 

This is the source of many hurtful comments on this place we call the internet and in our relationships.

Because if we haven’t worked to raise our awareness, instead of getting curious, we get judgy af. First with ourselves, (always with ourselves first) and then we project that out onto others. 

Our judgmental voice comes in and tell us any number of completely unhelpful things (kind of like that family member who won’t stop telling you everything they “know” about at Thanksgiving dinner), 

“You’re not good enough” 
“You can’t have that. Don’t bother trying.”
“You’ll never get there.” 

The list goes on and on. 

Instead of getting curious, that voice creeps in and steals the whole damn show.

A better way of dealing with this torrential downpour of unhelpful thoughts stemming from desire suppression and success comparison-itis is to ask ourselves, “what is this showing me about what I want?” Or “how can I bring more of that into my life?”

Don’t be afraid to ask the universe for help. 

What does your version of success look like? Sound like? Taste like? 

Personally, I find white picket fences and the dreams associated with them horrifying. Suburbia is my personal hell. But if that’s your version of success I celebrate it with you. 🎉 We’re not made to agree on everything, that would be boring.

My sounds of success involves hearing many more random sirens and loud noises from my terrace because it means I’m living in the center of downtown. 🏙 

What does success sound like to you? Declare it boldly in the comments. Unleash your desire. Don’t worry, the world can handle it. In fact, we need it. 

I’m sitting on my terrace drinking coffee and having this conversation with myself…

I intend to accumulate serious wealth for one very simple reason…

To increase choice in my life. ✨

Not so I can have a fancy car, or the latest computer, or endless clothes, or even more beach vacations.

I intend to earn and enjoy millions so I can increase choice in life.

It’s about how I feel, not what I own. It’s about the choice to do more of what I consciously want to do.

More choice for me often looks like always being able to:

• Pay for experiences I would love to experience
• Surprise loved ones with thoughtful gifts
• Buy the freshest, organic produce
• Live downtown
• Give generously to causes I care about
• Have one week with no calls every month
• Being able to embrace spontaneity in whatever way my heart desires.

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​To be clear, money doesn’t equal choice.

The thing that our shadow sides love us to forget is our choice in every situation.

• In how we respond
• In how we think about something
• In how we conduct ourselves despite what anyone else is doing
• In how we articulate and ask for what we need
• In what we prioritize

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Money often means more choice though. The distinction is subtle but significant.

Success to me is the freedom to be me in every given moment. Money doesn’t buy me that, but it supports my choices.

Much of this is why I stopped advertising solely business-driven services because when I do that it becomes so easy to feel like the ROI has to be more money.

The ROI in everything I create and sell is more choice, more possibility, more you, more freedom because that is the lens from which we actually multiply our money.

More choice in conversation. More choice in how you see your relationships. More choice in how you serve yourself and others. More choice in how you spend your time.

More choice in every situation because it is always there.

Choice + your creativity + consciously created constraints = freedom and a life beyond your wildest dreams.

Comment below: What does more choice look like to you?

P.S. If this is the type of energy you want to be in, tell me in the comments and we can talk about the best choice for working together. There’s always more than one, so I can meet you where you’re at.